My first ever application to present at the PMA was rejected today.

 The initial moment that you receive that information is the most brutal blow.  You were not good enough to be accepted to do something that you wanted.

 Ouch. 

If, like me, you have fashioned the internal mental fortitude to selftalk out of the 60 foot tall wave of depression rolling towards you  threatening to ruin your day, the affirmations come whizzing through your brain: at least you tried, you knew you weren’t submitting your best, but at least you tried, there are a million other pieces to this puzzle, maybe they don’t think what you do is important, maybe they couldn’t get over your weight, maybe your little Melanie Griffith voice doesn’t instill trust, maybe people on the committee didn’t like the person who recommended you, maybe they just don’t know who you are, maybe you need to up your social media game….and it stops the wave of doom but now you’re a little nauseous from all the tiny little thoughts that are just  like those swarms of gnats in the summer…the ones that get you when you  walk into them accidentally…they flip up your noise and in your mouth…bleck.

I sometimes wonder if I would be better off if I had never grown the “f” up and just let that big feel roll over me.

And then you stop. (and write about it) and you thank your lucky stars that you can just go to the PMA this year and enjoy the ride. And you have one less thing to worry about because you have so much else to do. And that there is always work to be done as a human who wants to help other humans and make the world a better place. I look at my friends and colleagues in this industry and see them presenting things all the time, and I always want to be a part of that.  I really look at that as a career milestone that I’m ready to take on, but when it comes down to putting together the application and materials, I’m always rushed. It never feels thoughtful, and honestly, I’m not that surprised that it was not selected. I really sent my application off on a wing and a prayer.

But I wanted to do it so badly…

My inner enemy tries to call me out on time management, and she’s pretty right, but ultimately, what lifts me up from the selfpity pool is knowing that my time management issues exist because I’m in the trenches with 20+ amazing instructors who are fighting the good fight every day, and even though I would love to share what I have learned with the world, it IS truly the work happening here that is going to change it, regardless of whether I present at the PMA in 2018.

There’s always next year, anyway.

You never hear people say, I have a bad front as an excuse for their limited movement, but all the time I hear people say, "I have a bad back." what gives?

Lauren Scruggs is my Hero

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/model-hit-propeller-tells-today-surviving-ordeal-article-1.1203361

Seriously.
No excuse for excuses.

Day three: POT wrap up

Hi Lisa! Here is your Daily Horoscope for Sunday, October 21

You are feeling even more driven than usual -- which is really saying something! You may want to try something new in order to commit yourself to a new direction. That should work out well for you! That's what the stars had in line for me today. I would say that they were pretty much spot on. Today was a really great day. Lesley, an instructor I had hired when I was running Posture Perfect,  came to POT for today. We didn't talk beforehand. I didn't even know that she was coming, but we ended up in the same workshops. When I hired her she was pretty much starting out, and there's just something so mature and perceptive about her. I love watching her grow as an instructor.  I wish I could claim responsibility for training her, but I can't take credit for anything other than giving her a job and believing in her. She trains one of my favorite clients of all time who didn't follow me from PPP to EBC, so it was good to hear a few stories about him. My first workshop was with Troy McCarty. Can I please just take a moment to say that he is simply one of the greatest. His handouts are a work of art. They are clearly well thought out and beautifully produced. Because these exquisite handouts that were full of great photos and detailed descriptions of the exercises, we could plow through immense amounts of choreography in a short amount of time. His creativity and innovation are inspiring and remind me of how I like to play before I used "managing" as an excuse to be too busy. I think I found my new direction....less static excuses, and more freedom to come up with my own new things, maybe even ones that I might be able to hand on someday. When I type something like that...it comes from such a humble place. I would love to lead a workshop at POT....but in the grand scheme of things, I am a green compared to the people that present at POT. I have a feeling, that it will come together organically...in a few years...with much, much more experience under my belt. Even though I feel like I know a lot, I still have so much more to learn. Workshop #2 today was with Amy Tayor Alpers on the Assessing the Psoas. I agree with many in our field that the Psoas plays a major role in Pilates work and is often overridden by other muscles and retraining it's function to coordinate with the entire musculature can create profound improvements in one's overall functionality, but when it comes to awareness, I sometimes feel that a lot of what I read/hear is a little obtuse. It becomes, for some, an experience of worship for the Psoas Major that starts to have a little bit of disregard for the rest of the muscles of the body. To some, a healthy supple Psoas will solve all of the world's problems. If this works for those who buy into that notion, then I don't discourage that practice, but I can't buy into it as whole hog. Alright, that was a bit of a tangent. Amy, if I may be so bold as to call her by her first name, didn't go that far in the spectrum of Psoas Worship, but hers was a different perspective than I have gotten from other facets of my education. The Psoas was the only muscle addressed by name. It was a fascinating way to examine it really, and her approach was really classical, and you could tell that she had given a lot of thought to all of the rationale for movement coming from a deep inner support that cues psoas recruitment in each of the exercises. I loved her approach to the 100. Interestingly, her approach to single leg, double leg, and single straight leg stretch involves curling  almost the entire spine. Lesley and I were wondering how that played into situations where flexion of the spine might be contraindicated, such as a herniated disk. Would she use the same tactics on a spine with a herniated disc? She responded essentially yes. As someone who has sensitively introduced flexion to spines previously diagnosed with herniated discs and had success, I can follow her line of thought.  I kind of regret asking the question because it opened the door for people to question  the use of extension for cases of spondylolisthesis and stenosis, and a few of the people were very closed to what she was saying, and I felt that she was on trial a little bit for a few minutes. Regardless, I'm going to play with her approach and see what it does for my body. When I see a need to apply it to a body in front of me, I think it will be interesting for that body to experience it. And this concludes my daily transmissions from POT Chicago. My the Balanced Body folks have a safe and stress free return to their respective homes. I'm going to finish watching Almost Famous and sleep in tomorrow...or should I say today..it is 12:04 after all.

POT day 2 My Kind of Town

So yesterday was all about the amazingness that is Balanced Body and Pilates on Tour. I can understand how people become POT heads. I'm thinking that maybe I'll have to work at least one more Pilates on Tour into my schedule per year.

 

Today I'm struck mainly by one thing: My fair city of Chicago. Compared to the coasts, Chicago is young as a Pilates community. When I first started training, I had to explain what it was to most people. It was exciting to be studying this thing that was kind of obscure to most. I know that I didn't start at the beginning of Pilates in Chicago, there were lots of amazing instructors long before I started taking classes in 2000, but I have watched it evolve from an obscure workout that the Joffrey dancers did. Yes, as part of my checkered past I worked as a wardrobe person for the Joffrey. My favorite part of that connection to Pilates, is that when I asked the dancer about where I could try a class, she said, "You wouldn't like it. It's very hard. It's not for normal people."

 

Because I'm sweet and naive, I refused to take that as any kind of insult, but instead as a realization that she didn't know me at all, and found my first mat class shortly after.

 

I digress.

 

What I realized today about Chicago's Pilates community, as I was driving home as the sun was setting, able to really take in all of the autumn colors for the first time this year,  is that what I love about it's people is what I love about my town. They have heart. They are strong. On one side we embrace the flow of nature, on the other side we love our machines and architecture. We exude that almost wholesome Midwestern friendship, but we're still rough and tumble.

 

So apart from some very valuable lessons on alignment from the hand to your center, a charming exploration of stretching fascia to clear the "fuzz", making more friends, reconnecting with a couple more old ones...I learned that I am here because it's really the place in the world that I love best.

 

And this is the view of the back of our apartment that greeted my after my thought filled ride home. 

 

Pilates on Tour Day One

There is really no better thing for the spirit of a Pilates Instructor than attending a Pilates On Tour Conference. Even better, attending POT Chicago for the 4th year in a row. The first year, I was just excited to have to continuing education opportunities that I didn't have to fly out of town for.  From day one, everyone there was completely embraced by the leaders at Balanced Body.  The second year, I got to know some of the people from the previous year a little better. Last year, I felt like my network had at least doubled, and this year, walking in, it was just lovely to see just about everyone. I no longer had that insecurity of hoping that all of these people whom I greatly admire would remember me.

At lunch today, Nora put it best. The great thing about POT is that you are with your "peeps." You're with people who understand like no one else why you care if the serratus is firing.

My workshop today was on Stenosis and Sponylolisthesis with Karen Clippenger. If you haven't taken a workshop with Karen, do it! She incorporates all of the things I crave most as a Pilates and Anatomy Nerd: a thorough lecture on the condition that we are working with, and a clear practical with logical progressions. Even better is having Karen, Naomi, and Dallas on hand to help you really understand the work on your own body and the cueing on another body.

The day was topped off with a wonderful public conversation with Julian Littleford, Troy McCarty, and Alan Herdman. Hearing them talk made me realize that I am journeying on the right path because while some of my landmarks are very different from theirs, there are so many similarities. Here are some morsels of wisdom I gleaned from the gentlemen tonight. (In no particular order, and not chronological...my folder is doodletastic.)

"As a Pilates teacher, you have to like people."-Alan :)
"They can feel it if it's just money to you."-Julian
"If you're burnt out after teaching for five years, there's something wrong."-Alan
"I've been teaching for 25 years and every day I go in with this blank canvas and say I'm going to paint this beautiful picture with my clients."-Troy
On feeling spiteful when a trainer leaves to open their own studio and evolving that emotion into a positive insight, "For us, healthy competition is a good thing."-Alan
On opening a studio and being stressed about getting and keeping clients, what he would tell his future self: "Patience. Let them go. They'll come back to you."

And my favorite:

"The day you stop learning, you're finished as a teacher."-Julian


So for today....I am still totally a teacher.


Super exciting day. I hope I can sleep tonight.

Reset: Day One

Day One
An object at rest certainly likes to stay at rest. All the way home from work, I was coming up with brilliant excuses to skip the run I had planned. It looked like rain. I'm too tired. I don't want to. When I got home, I discovered that I would be home alone for the night, so I decided to do a Pilates Anytime workout. I like having the bouncy ball to follow along. When I practice Pilates, I have two general modes: classical in order and messing around doing what feels good. Sometimes, I like having someone choose what I do. It gives me one less thing to think about.  I did Class 175: Meredith Rogers - Mat Workout - Level 3. I'll say this about BASI instructors, my abdominals always tremble within the first 10 minutes. Meredith had some great approaches to exercises that I hadn't used before: side bend and side twist before side kicks, side kicks with bottom leg bent and propped on bottom elbow, and an exercise involving flexion and extension from child's pose that was really yummy, as well as a closing series integrating external shoulder rotation with slight thoracic extension.

I enjoyed the workout so much, I'm tempted to change 90 days of movement into a mat specific adventure. Perhaps I'll do 90 days on movement, 90 days of mat, 90 days of reformer, 90 days of chair...but I'll try not to get ahead of myself.